Chris in Maryville has started a movement to put furry friends in the Blount County Commission and has asked for my help in recruiting candidates. I am happy to oblige as I know the moral integrity of my first recruit to be far superior to that of 20 of the County Commissioners.
Blount County (BC) Public Record is delighted to announce the candidacy of Nick the Corgle for Commission. Nick is believed to be a Corgi-Beagle mix, but that is not certain. Like Presidents Obama and Clinton, he’s not sure who his daddy is, but unlike both he has survived living on the street, homeless and not knowing where his next meal would come from, while never asking for a government hand-out.
He was found on the side of the road on Christmas day in 2005 and has been making the world a better place ever since. While he enjoyed turkey on that rescue day, he could easily be a vegetarian as he makes sure to eat his fruits, veggies, beans, nuts and seeds. He loves chasing rabbits, but never kills them, preferring the vegetarian life and tasty kibble. The thrill of the chase is enough for him.
Nick has persevered after being shot multiple times. He lives with about 50 bb’s inside of him. When the Blount Count Sheriff’s Department was alerted to Nick having been shot they did nothing except file a police report. Nick hasn’t let that deter him. He still keeps a sunny disposition and loves life despite what stupid humans do. You don’t have to worry about him being a Sheriff’s minion. The Sheriff never brought Nick’s shooter to justice.
Despite having been shot and not desiring to actually kill other animals, Nick fully supports your gun rights. He harbors no resentment against humans for simply owning guns.
After hearing about Mayor Stubbs the Cat being attacked, he believes it’s time cats and dogs stop the partisan bickering and work together. Nick can reach across the isle and work with cats to make the world a better place. He believes it would be wise for the recently announced cats to join paws with the dogs to bring reform to Blount County. After all, cats and dogs have far more to offer than the machine trained chimps on the Commission who push yes buttons when they’re told. Former Mayor Cunningham was right when he said there were monkeys on the Commission. He just was referring to the wrong Commissioners.
Tennessee has strict campaign laws making it difficult for 3rd party candidates to have their parties listed on the ballot beside their names. Nick is a member of the Canine party but he is ok with appearing on the ballot as an Independent because his principles come before any party. While people are saying the country has gone to the dogs, he would remind everyone that such a statement is not fair because donkeys, elephants and chimps have been in control. He quips, dogs have been far more loyal to people than donkeys, elephants and chimps.
Vote Nick the Corgle to replace Tom Greene the trained chimp. Nick can beg really well so he has a good chance at beating chimp Greene when people see how cute he looks begging for a bone. He reminds everyone that his begging is supported by free will charity, not taxpayer funded welfare. At Nicks campaign kick off there will be free licks for everyone.