RSV Bible (Revised Santorum Version)

Today’s guest post is by Eric Holcombe.

A question for James Dobson and Mike Farris

So, James and Mike, which Iranians should we Christians murder first after we help you elect Rick Santorum?

I thought maybe you learned your lesson after endorsing Mike “I’m the uniquely qualified candidate because I have a theology degree” Huckabee who really didn’t have a theology degree. This was especially revealing for Farris and HSLDA as Huckabee had been homeschoolers’ worst enemy as Arkansas’ governor on multiple fronts,  even with HSLDA actively opposing him at the time, but I guess they forgot all about that and decided he was the best man for the job to protect homeschoolers at the federal level.

Well, James and Mike are at it again and this time it is Rick Santorum that the evangelical Christian and homeschooler voting bloc is to support according to their sage advice. Mike Farris tries to tell us that Rick is a “fellow homeschooler”. Really? Well I guess if your children are enrolled in a public virtual charter school and ripping off the taxpayers in another state for the tuition that makes you a “homeschooler” just like Rick. By the way, the potential legal confusion of virtual public charter schools (and their “free” government computers) with independent “home school” is one of HSLDA’s alleged serious concerns that they use with their appeal-to-fear tactics to keep you on the hook for annual dues so they can keep “fighting the good fight” for homeschoolers to keep those legal definitions nice and tidy. They’ve used Santorum many times over the years to sponsor their federal education or marriage amendment bills, so maybe they have no choice but to endorse, uh, I mean “commend”, but good grief, this guy has done nothing but expand federal education spending and control. There is a much better choice for homeschoolers in this primary who has actually introduced legislation to help them, and contrary to Santorum, Gingrich and HSLDA, understands that there is no provision for a federal department of education in the US Constitution and this issue should be reserved for the states and/or the people. This is why I never regretted canceling our HSLDA membership after one year. The HSLDA is a top-down, federal control-loving fraud. But I digress…

Perhaps the greater problem here is with Dobson, Tony Perkins and the Family Research Council who should know better. I can’t believe they actually listen to what Santorum says and can endorse him as the best choice, let alone someone who best represents their “values”. To that effect, I have created a list of suggested scripture revisions for these “conservative evangelicals” that support Santorum. I’ll call it the RSV (Revised Santorum Version):

Matthew 5:44  But I say unto you, Love KILL your enemies, bless CURSE them that curse you, do good AND IMPOSE ECONOMIC SANCTIONS ON to them that hate you,  and pray for PRE-EMPTIVELY STRIKE them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;

James 1:19-20 Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow SWIFT to speak slow AND EVEN SWIFTER to wrath: For the wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God.

Rom 12:19 Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, YOURS saith the Lord.

Matthew 7:12 Therefore all things whatsoever ye wouldSPECULATE that men shouldMIGHT do to you, do ye even so to them BEFORE THEY HAVE A CHANCE TO DO IT UNTO YOU: for this is the law and the prophets.

1Th 5:15 See that noneONLY APPROVED UNITED NATIONS COALITION FORCES render evil for evil unto any man; but ever follow that which is good, both among yourselves, and to all men.

1Th 5:21 Prove all things; hold fast that which is good ENDORSED BY YOUR “CONSERVATIVE EVANGELICAL” LEADERS.

Mar 10:42 But Jesus called them to him, and saith unto them, Ye know that they which are accounted ELECTED to rule over the GentilesAMERICANS exercise lordship over them; and their great ones exercise authority upon them.

Exo 20:13 Thou shalt not kill UNLESS YOU HAVE REALLY GOOD INTELLIGENCE THAT SAYS THEY MIGHT POSSIBLY HAVE THE ABILITY TO MAKE A NUCLEAR WEAPON SOME TIME IN THE FUTURE.

Matthew 24:9 Then shall they deliver you up to be afflicted, and shall kill you: and ye shall be hated of all nations for my name’s sake , EXCEPT FOR THE UNITED STATES, BECAUSE THEY ARE A CHRISTIAN NATION.

Luke 21:24 And they shall fall by the edge of the sword, and shall be led away captive into all nations: and Jerusalem shall NOT be trodden down of the Gentiles, BECAUSE THE UNITED STATES WILL ALWAYS INTERVENE ON THEIR BEHALF until the times of the Gentiles be fulfilled.

Revelation 7:9 After this I beheld, and, lo, a great multitude, which no man could number, of all nations, EXCEPT THE ONES THE UNITED STATES INVADED IN THE “WAR ON TERROR”, and kindreds, and people, and tongues, stood before the throne, and before the Lamb, clothed with white robes, and palms in their hands;

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